it seems like everyone is neglecting their livejournals. i've really considered never posting anything else in mine again. nobody ever responds to anything anymore... everyone knows what's up anyway cause everyone either talks to me in person or over myspazzle. this just seems to be something i do once a week to take up a little time when i dont feel like doing anything else.

so anyway---i went to richmond to register for my classes over the weekend. that was a stressful event. i mean, i guess now that i think about it, it got handled easily enough, but that school really is just freaking crazy. i guess it's just the sheer size of it, though. i mean, radford was 1/3rd the size and everything was so simple with them... but with VCU i have all these classes that run for only a few weeks, classes that run for a ridiculous amount of time, odd days off sometimes, workshops to take and all kinds of other shit going on that just seems like such a hassle. i tell myself that at least i have heather there, which is one person that i'm super close to--which is one person more than what i had at radford. (pat doesnt count since he's family...). i really hope that it all goes well... and i think i'm confident that it will... it just sucks, the whole having to change totally everything... yeah.

so i started my 3/4 lengths sleeve with larry. i sat down with him for like 5 hours on saturday and got the entire outline done. i'm gonna try to schedule another sitting with him for either tuesday or friday so he can do all the waves and fill in my grenade. the outline is totally insane. i cant believe the job he did. all the scabbing and dead skin is falling off, so my arm itches like hell... i cant wait to get this thing done with...

so i'm on vacation this week, too... and it's been a pretty lazy vacation. i've just been kinda sitting around. sunday and monday were taken up by the richmond trip. i TOTALLY MISSED OUT on EVERYONE getting together on monday night, which really sucks. i DID get to hang out with nearly everyone last night, though, and that was a lot of fun. if i end up going to the boro again by the end of the week, i'm gonna bring the cameras and shoot it up at night. i saw some good stuff when i was there....

and tonight i'm supposed to go swimming. i'm waiting on heather to call me. maybe i'll go draw... oh, and i think i should buy a bike...

i've found a laptop that's too expensive.

i talked with larry about doing my 3/4 lengths sleeve and i'm super freaking excited. i'm going back to looking at his sketches tomorrow. hopefully i'll set up an apointment for the first session, then.

i told my dad about it.... or at least that i was getting another tattoo... and he was like "oh, ok".

work has been boring... life in general has been boring lately, even though there is so much going on.

got all my hair cut off. hung out with the crew + heather of g/boro. walked around the uncg campus all night.

so now... i'm gonna go draw maybe?

i need some tylenol. i feel like i got punched in my eyes.

me and pat went to go eat with mom today. that was alright.

he left, i sat around and drew while i watched the france/portugal game.

my arms feel really tired... i'm not sure i'll type more. it's exhausting to hold my arms up to type...

i think i've finally decided to buy some stuff over the net. shoes, some shirts, possibly the SG dvd.

i tried calling larry today about my arm. becca says he's on vacation, though.

damn my arms.... i'm done for tonight....

soooo

lately i've been treating myself a little. i got in touch with larry about a tattoo. he said he'd do my 3/4 sleeve for like $600. who's an excited hampster? ME!

speaking of hampsters, the other day i drove down to g/boro and hung out with scott. we tried going to the battery store to get a new cell phone battery for me, but they closed 15 minutes before we got there.

we hit up the mall and i blew a ton of money in hottopic. i pretty much got an entire outfit, but i still need a new pair of shoes. i've recently bought the first blood, into the moat and acacia strain cds. all of which are good... heather convinced scott to buy this AWESOME porn star neon lamp for only SEVEN DOLLARS. he hung it in his window, it's hilarious. i couldnt buy anything though, since i had spent so much before i came in that store....

uh, lets see... what else...

amber's wedding photos came in. she's happy. her mom is happy. jason is happy. so i'm happy.

i realized that i hate seeing super incredibly outrageously fat people let their kids eat like there's no tomorrow. i realized this when i was at applebees and there was this woman that HAD to have been around 500lbs (at least), she was letting her kid get some gigantic plate of food and then some huge desert.


i go in to work at 1230. i hate 1230 shifts.... so i guess i'm gonna go sit around. maybe draw a little.... who knows...

so things have been good, but not. up and down.

i have to drive to richmond tomorrow, early in the morning for registration. i have to be there for like 730, so i think i should be leaving around 330-4ish. it's gonna suck. i'm gonna be walking around like a zombie the whole time and i'll probably look like total crap.

i havent seen heather in like 4 days, it sucks. and tonight she's going to that show at greene street. if i didnt have to wake up so early i would go with her and keep her company. i worry about her when she's off by herself. not that she cant take care of herself... i just like being there to help her.

i'm still really wanting a tattoo. i have the money. i just need to drive to inkwell to talk to them about doing it. hopefully i'll be able to do that sometime soon, cause i would like to get this thing done by the end of the summer and have it be healed by the time i leave.

last night i drove down to g/boro, hung out with scott. it was nice. rained really hard on the way home, ran off the road a few times and stuff. it sucked.

i'm getting progressivly more lazy and tired of typing this as i go on...

even though i really doubt anyone reads this anymore...

i'm so freaking stressed lately. between VCU and work i just feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out. i wonder if i've made the right decisions, some days. and i feel hollow, almost, when i think about how tough things are right now. i just stare off till something brings me back to reality. then i think, "damn, i would really like that tattoo...". i think that would cheer me up.

so what's going on with VCU: i applied and got in. hoorah, right? i'm not so sure. they have me qualified as a freshman, but i've done well over 40 hours. so they say that i have to start in their art foundation program, and not the photo program. this means no darkroom for a year, which blows me. i'll have to apply to the photo program and hope i get in. which i'm sure i will. so anyway, since i'm classified as a freshman, i dont know where i'm staying and they havent sent my papers on it. registration is the 26th for me. *stress*. i have to be there at 7am.

since i'm not getting into the photo program, i'm not buying that camera, so i had wanted to get a huge tattoo, but they cut my hours from 40 to 15 at work, and i'm not sure if that's gonna keep up, so i need to save the money.


too much going on. i would write more, but now i'm distracted....

sooo....

things are going like they go. there's been a lot going on, but nothing i feel like talking about. i'm totally losing faith in telling anyone what is going on over the computer.

cait sent me a message saying she was coming up here.
heather is at the beach.
a friend is doing something really stupid lately and i dont know what to do or think about him.

i feel like the people closest to me are changing and are just all confused. it kinda makes me feel a bit lost, cause i dont feel like my views on anything have changed at all. which makes it more difficult, like i havent grown with the people around me.... but i think in some cases, i'm better off staying like i am...

so basically, i'm confused about everyone and everything and all situations currently happening at this point in time. i'm looking forward to moving to richmond, so i can start some place where there are more people like myself. hopefully they'll be REAL people. it'll be nice to start again... but i'm nervous about it at the same time. being far away and alone in such a big place... it'll be tough.

and i work so much. i just want to rest. i want to see mary and tell her all my problems and she can give me a fresh opinion on everything. but i'll be busy all week. it sucks.

sick of all these freaking people that would make the world a better place if they were corpses. all these fat people that can actually walk, but are too lazy, so they use the motorized scooters in the store. i should drag them into the back by their rotten teeth and cut the fat off of them so they could walk a little better.

and all these losers that want to talk about how hard they work, while they just draw welfare. how they're so fucking blue collar, when they just sit around and complain about how nobody works as hard as them. the only thing they work hard as is screwing the government and getting fat.

and dont even get me started on all these freaking black people that come in, in their early 20s, trailing 5 kids behind them and asking us how to cook the LOBSTERS they are buying with their WELFARE CHECKS. i hate that crap and i hate them, and i hate their stupid loud kids.

people also make horrible decisions, and need to be smacked for them most of the time. some days i feel like i'm one of the last decent people on the planet. and that's not to say that i think i'm that great, it's just that i feel like everyone else sucks that bad.

lately i just think that most people should have been aborted by their parents.

the end.

so i've still been getting worked a lot. i had 48 hours last week. this week i have 40 and an 8 hour paid holiday. these two checks will be killer. i'll be so happy if this trend in hours keeps up for me. my mom paid off my car since i wont be able to keep doing it myself when i go to VCU. so that'll be an extra $30 on all my checks from now on.

i seem to have some sort of poison ivy around my ankle and two spots of it on each side of my knee. it totally sucks, i'm so itchy.

i hung out with scott and lexa yesterday. it was fun.

i seem to be at a loss for what all to say for some reason. enough has been going on, but i'm so tired from work lately that i just dont feel like taking the time to type it out.

so let's see.

i've been getting worked a ton. it's tiring but the money is nice. and money is important because

i got to thinking about how the girl at VCU said they want us to buy medium format cameras. so i started looking around. i looked at twin lenses. no metering system, so i dont like them. so i started looking at single lens medium formats... and i found a cheap one... for $1600. it's hotttttttt though.

and i'm getting contracted for a wedding. at this very moment. and i'm happy. $300. i'm CHEAP, but it'll help towards that 1600.

oh, and if your name is rebecca or heather and you care about what camera i'm after... then try to find something on the mamiya 645 TL Pro. and eat your fucking heart out.

i have the day off tomorrow. i wish i could say i'd be able to relax, but i doubt it.


oh, and go look at photography from mary ellen mark. a dying breed of photographer. i've been spending more time flipping through that gigantic book of hers that i bought....

ok, so i'm finally in the mood to talk a little bit.

i got called in to work today. from like 8-1. me and another guy had cut so heavy for the case yesterday, that we hardly had to touch it today. so i got stuck with cleaning all day today. i had to use this ultra greasy crap and scrub off the bottom metal part of the cases. it didnt accomplish anything. i left and came home. sat around.

i'm over at heather's now. she's behind me, running. if i were smart i'd be doing that placement test, but i'm telling myself i'm going to do it on friday when i come over here.

i hate math.

so that concert the other day. holy crap was it good.

greene stree was freaking packed. tony danza was absolutely insane. we couldnt really get very close, though. shai hulud, i couldnt really get in to. this was the first time i had ever seen the acacia strain, so i was excited about that. i know it's wierd to say, but they didnt look like i thought they would. except their guitar player--he was pretty built and had a neck tattoo. and for so much of their stuff to be so slow, they had really good energy. i took photos--which turned out well. the crowd begged for one more at the end of their set, so they played smoke ya later. while they were playing there was some big fight between a bunch of guys and one guy. it turned out the one guy was a security guard.

the dude was super huge, but i had seen him kick a few guys while they were moshing. they would get kinda close to him, so he would just boot them in the ass. i thought it was kinda messed up, so eventually i guess he kicked the wrong person and a ton of people jumped on him. whatever, it kinda pissed off the bands, which i thought was good.

aside from that no fights, everyone had fun. i was glad.

the red chord was good. they're so fun to see. took photos of them, too. they came out well.

we went to some diner after the show with the guys from moxa mortem, jill and a few others. it was cool.

that seems to be all i can think of to say, cause i'm talking to cait now.

see ya's.



oh yeah, today, i walked around with one of our "country of origin" stickers for the fish stuck on my apron. it said "PRODUCT OF VAGINA"

show was good. pics are good. hours are nice. money is good. may lose my hours, job, and money cause we may hire a transfer. sucks. i miss being in a darkroom. i dont see a point in saying more. nobody cares. hope everyone is good.

today is heather's b/day. it's also our anniversary. she's 18. we've been together for 2 years and 10 months.

i slept in today. i went to eat with my mom. came back. now i'm doing this.

tonight is the red chord show. i'm excited about it. it'll be good to take some more concert photos. i need to buy some batteries for my flash....

i had a nice day yesterday, but it always seems like the good days never last long enough and all the bad ones seem to drag on, ya know?

heather came over. we curled up together and watched trigun off and on from like 430-9ish. we rolled around and were sweet to each other. it was happy.

i need to start buying up photo supplies for VCU. i've had the idea that if i take some money out of each paycheck and buy one thing, then i should end up with a years worth of supplies in no time. it's a great idea, but i really wanted to spend some money on other stuff for myself. i mean, i love buying photo related things... but it would be nice to buy some pants or shoes (which i need pretty badly)... or get that tattoo i've been saying i want for whoknowshowlong now.

it's hard to tell yourself that you dont need some stuff when you already have things.... like torn up shoes and pants. i mean, there are people around the world that make due with only one pair of shoes and pants that are in much worse condition than mine.

i wish i had my own house. once again, i wish i could just win the lottery... it would be nice.

see you guys later.

so i'm bored. and i'm lonely. it's my day off. there's nothing to do. i want to go shopping, but i dont have the money to spend. i want to spend some time with heather but i'll hardly get to cause she has stuff to do tonight, so i wont get to see her till late. my mom wont talk to me and hasnt for the past week. bored. lonely. day off. it sucks.

so all is right with the world.

today was ok despite work. danny left really early cause he had roots going through his pipes at the house. it was backing up his water, so he called a plumber and had to watch him in case he "tried to steal any tools" so he could "beat the shit out of him".

anywho, so the other day me and him are standing around and this guy walks past. danny nods at him and says "there goes my lawyer, he got me out of a ton of stuff when i was younger. doing 40 over the speed limit a DUI and 5 counts of malicious wounding." my jaw dropped at the last part. he laughed at me. but he was dead serious. this coming from the guy that broke a guys nose with a coffee mug on his lunch break. wtf.

me and heather watched some trigun today. it was good. i love that series. and i've still been running and whatnot. and running makes me feel nice.

tomorrow i finally have a day off where i'm not getting called into work. so my agenda is this: run. go to phcc to get my transcripts. call mvhs for my transcripts and get those. maybe the pmaa to see about entering some photos in that "expressions" thing. i have to take the placement test sometime, still. registration is like in june. and i'm putting that test off like you wouldnt believe, cause i freaking suck at math. i still have to get my shots, too.....

scott had called me up asking if i wanted to go camping with him and tim on saturday, but i cant. i have to work. what a load of poo.

see ya's.

so i'm bored and i'm totally miserable.


that about sums up my past few days.

i wish i was somewhere far away.

could i be any more tired? i've got to work every day except tuesday this week.... tuesday was spent going to radford, getting my stuff, coming back and getting it all organized.

my room looks better now. i framed a few photos and hung them up.

been hanging out with heather and stuff. and she's awesome. i cant remember what day it was... but i went over to her house and she was all curled up under a big blanket on the sofa and the princess bride was on the tv. so i got in the blanket and we layed there for a while. and just laid around in general most of the day. i think that was the best, most peaceful, relaxed, totally stress free day i have had in so long. i loved it.

yesterday, after getting off work at 6, me, hizzle, cait and darrin all drove to the boro. we gained scott, lost darrin and went to the movies to see silent hill (which heather and i had seen earlier i the week). it was good again, but i noticed how bad the acting was this time. anywho, so the movie gets over at 12 and we leave scott's at like 12:20 something. i got home at 2. i had to wake up at FIVE to go to work at 6.

so i woke up, washed my face. went back to sleep till 640 and went to work for 7. work today was chaos. not enough people at all.

so now, due to lack of sleep and being overworked, i'm exhausted.

i'm gonna go nap before heather calls me. it's her prom tonight and instead of taking me she's taking caitlin. they're out getting their haid did. god bless pillows.

so i think i finally realized that i'll actually miss one person at radford. pat doesnt count. of course i'd miss him... but no. it's not even that elisha was that great of a friend. we were totally into opposite things, but she was just so damn cool about stuff. she's a great photog and probably one of the nicest most sincere people i've ever met. when they took the trip to DC she took a few hundred dollars with her and gave it all to various homeless people. she'd sit down and talk to them and take their photos. bought a few of them lunch. so much of her art is social. it's all done to point out poverty. she does a ton of really large collages that deal with the social problems in africa and the mid east. and of course a lot of her photos are of her cute kids. she's like half russian half hispanic. so she's really white and has dark hair but with big blue eyes. and she's from new york, so she has this crazy thick accent and says "i know, right?" after like everything you say to her that she finds amusing. and of course i got contact info from her, the whole email/phone # thing to keep in touch....

i just think it sucks that whenever you do the whole "we'll keep in touch" stuff, eventually you stop. i cant say how much i miss all the people i had said "yeah, i'll send you an email" to, at some point. i thought about lacey a few weeks ago and just got sad. she was like my sister for YEARS and then suddenly we just quit talking. i'd stay on the phone with her 4 hours a night some days. she'd make fun of me for liking cradle of filth and i'd talk shit about metallica. (cause they suck). now she's married. has a kid. and i havent spoken to her in years.

it sucks.

oh, and heather took some FANTASTIC photos of isabelle. they're good like whoa. really shallow depth and good light in them. nice contrast.

anywho, so i've worked since friday. it'll be good to put money in the bank. me and hizzle have been spending the afternoons together and having a good time. we went to go see silent hill tonight. freaking GREAT movie. i loved it. suspense and gore like whoa.

OH! saturday we went down to the boro and ate chinese. i convinced everyone to go into the barnes and noble at the friendly shopping center and i got myself a HUGE mary ellen mark book. she's another fav. of mine. and (as part of heather's b/day coming up) i bought her this photo book from steve mccurry. he's the guy for national geographic that took the portrait of the afghani girl with the bright grey/green eyes. remember her? well it's super freaking famous, so you should....


and tomorrow i have to drive back to RU to pick up my remaining photos and pack up my clothes and computer and bring it back home. should be fun. (not really).

i'm thinking about going for a run before driving up.

after that last update... i drove up to radford with my dad that night. the concert was really good. they had some crazy good trombone player playing with them from the airforce.

i got in late and got up early for work. i was in a crappy mood half of that day. we went to greensboro. it was a big group... of like 11. i love being with that many people. we hit up the mall and moe's. scott farted loudly and i nearly kicked him over. me hezz, justin and jill talked about drugs of all things. it turned out to be a good night.

i think that means the next day was sunday... so i had slept at heather's house so i could come with her to take caitlin back to raleigh. i had farted in my sleeping bag and it stayed there the whole night. so when i woke up the room just STANK. hahaha. anywho, we got cait back down there and talked about random stuff on the way to scott's. we took a nap there and i drooled all over scott's chair while robot chicken was in the DVD... the sounds of which gave me really odd, disturbing dreams that never played out fully... we got to the show early.

talked to some people, went in. moxa mortem was great. tsavo was better than i remembered them. deathblow was good, ligeia went crazy. i'm really beginning to like their cd more... ed gein was the junk--and i got an awesome shirt from them. dead to fall (i thought) was really good, despite them not playing my two fav. songs. there was some good scream alongs. FASSW was totally freaking insane to watch, but i'm not super crazy about their music most of the time. and sadly enough, a suicide silence couldnt make it.

we ate at IHOP with a bunch of people that john knew. they were nice.

i was hardly awake by the time i got heather home and i sure as hell wasnt about to try to drive to my house. i would have fell asleep. so i slept on her sofa again.

i left and went home, quick shower, drove back up. i bought another pack of paper at walmart so i could print more van dykes. so i spent my day doing that. and since i gave elisha two sheets of ortho litho film, she gave me a sheet of her cyanotype and bought me a soda to repay me. so i spent the whole day printing and got some really good results. and here they are....





the brown is the van dyke. the blue is the cyanotype. i prefer van dykes. i just think it gives the "aged" feeling a little better. people are more familiar with images that are browned with age, but not with the other process, so i just think it works better.

anywho, yeah, hope ya like.

i feel like doody today. i'm totally unhappy. i feel slobbish and ugly. unclean and filthy. tired, overworked, stressed and all around beaten down.

my hair feels like horse hair. or at least that's how i feel today. like a horse.

i dont get why. i was in a great mood yesterday and have been for the past few days. i made the rest of my van dykes and got incredible success with one. i still have some of my kit left so i get to print more on monday. i've been super excited about the upcoming show on sunday. i cant wait. i had a good night out with heather and everyone else. cait's in.

but i went to work today. i didnt have to work. so i didnt get to. i came back and cleaned all day so far. i have to drive to RU today. i wish heather were awake so i could go visit. i'm lonely and i need her to make me feel good.


baaaaaah.